An apology

[eeickmeyer]

Dear Ubuntu Community,

I am terribly upset at myself about some recent interactions I’ve had. I’ve been volatile and irritable when people have interacted with me, not just here but mostly on Matrix with my fellow developers. My authority as a flavor lead over those that I’m in those positions with sometimes feels like it’s being threatened and decisions there will be made for me. Of course, for me this turns on a “fight or flight” reaction, and most of the time it’s fight. I don’t want to be like this.

This has damaged my reputation, and I feel it’s irreparable. It has made it so that people no longer want to interact with me or ask me to help them with certain projects. One person even told me I should step-down from being part of Ubuntu, in a flavor lead or other capacity, completely. For this I only have myself to blame. I don’t want to be known this way, yet here I am.

I wish I could just start over with a clean slate, but I cannot. People don’t forget. Time repairs, but it doesn’t make the past go away.

Being a flavor lead, and a leader in this community, is one of the only things giving me purpose in my life right now. I started my path to leading Ubuntu Studio seven years ago as the only person that stepped-up to a call for help. It was a whirlwind short four months until I became the leader there. Imposter Syndrome is a thing, and it continues to this day.

I have some very strong opinions on the way things should be and the way things could be, but I feel like I’m ignored most of the time. Like most people, I don’t like to be ignored, but sometimes I feel like a voice crying out with nobody listening.

Community is part of my very heart and soul. I’ve often said, “If you cut me, I bleed community.” I only wish to see the community thrive and have imagined what it would be like with me not around. I’ve been told by many people I’m too valuable to Ubuntu to lose, so I’m not going anywhere.

After 25.04 Beta releases this Thursday, I’ll be taking a week off. I’m not sure why, but it feels like it’s what would be best.

If you’re reading this and don’t know what happened, that’s OK. Just know my heart.

If you’re reading this and you do know what happened, I’m sorry.

[ian-weisser]

We’re here for you.

You’re on the right path: Apologies do repair damage. So does laughter. Been there.

[rubi1200]

Erich, in the very short time I have known you and interacted with you on this platform I can say hand on heart, nothing but respect from me.

Perspective is important in life, so here is a little story:

I found myself getting very frustrated with someone at my work. Despite myself, I was snappy with the person. Not good of course.

As I usually do, I slept on it overnight and the next day tried a different approach. I am the team lead for my department and, as such, have a duty to set a good example.

Needless to say, I am also taking some time off work to blow off some steam and just relax in general.

Apologies are good but also be good to yourself and learn to forgive.

Please do not leave Ubuntu Studio or UD, it would be a great loss in my opinion.

[wxl]

You are a gem, my friend. In nearly all things, I’ve seen you be fair, considerate, and decisive. We’ve had our own disagreements but I’ve never felt attacked and I’ve always felt like we have come together in the end. I couldn’t imagine the community without you, honestly.

That said, we all do make decisions and take actions that are not ideal. There is always room for improvement. I can tell you that from my own personal perspective as I try to identify and grow from my own failings, both within and outside the Ubuntu community.

The most important first step to this positive change is often the hardest: identifying the problem and taking responsibility for it. That is exactly what you’ve done here. Given that, I’m sure the rest will come easily.

[roberalz]

With all the positive things you do, I don’t understand why there are people who only focus on the bad. Hugs.

[aaronprisk]

Erich, I want to lead with the recognition that your contributions to the Ubuntu community cannot be overstated. All of us benefit from the work and passion that you have poured out over many years. I’ve had the privilege of seeing your work firsthand and have stood by your side as an advocate for a community that we both cherish. All of those collective actions of charity and good will have had far-reaching impacts.

I think it takes a lot of courage to recognize when we misstep or fall short of our own standards. You are a valued voice in this community, but you are also a human being. If you feel taking a short hiatus will help you, Erich, as a fellow human, I think it’s a good idea. It should be viewed as a means of self-care and not an act of self-punishment.

As always, you are my friend and my virtual door is always open to you. Even if we only want to talk about the Seahawks and what video games we’ve been playing.

[juliank]

Hey Erich,

thank you for being so open and transparent about this. I myself have sometimes struggled with similar issues, and I understand what you are going through.

I hope you have a great week off, recharge, and do something else that brings you joy. Please don’t let Ubuntu Studio be your only joy in life.

[arraybolt3]

We’ve all had problems like this for one reason or another. Just know that we love having you here and we get it.

[hyask]

I’m joining others in saying that nobody in this community wants to loose you. I’m glad of all the good work and love you put into your flavors, and I understand it can sometimes be tough when things aren’t going the way we want.
Take a good breath, have some time off, and try to find a good balance between you, your family/friends, your work/Ubuntu. I believe those three things all share the same importance in everyone’s life, and having one take over the others can’t be sustainable for anybody.
Here, have some pancakes and a smile

[bashing-om]

Hey Erich,

For what it is worth -
I have always found your advise, commentary, and critique worthy and commendable - spot on always. Even when I may not fully agree I do know that your heart is in this community and its development.

Just take it from this old man - responsibility comes with friction. It’s also this friction that hones us to the better.

-Don’t sweat the little stuff-

[jmgibson81]

I have the utmost respect for your post despite not being aware of the backstory. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do but it is a good place to start the healing. You aren’t the first in this position and won’t be the last. Hopefully all of us can learn from this example in a positive way. Good on you for starting with this.

[irihapeti]

It takes integrity to make an honest apology. Whatever else people may remember, they will remember that.

[Wild_Man]

Speaking for myself I appreciate and respect you and all the work you do to make Ubuntu Flavors and the community successful, we all have bad moments the key is to realize our mistakes and forgive ourselves and apologies then move on.

You showed true character in creating this topic and admitting things went wrong and I am sure you will be forgiven and can move forward.

One reason we work as a team is we all need to walk away for a bit now and then and let our team members handle a situation or project to give us time to recharge and find balance in our lives again, I look forward to working with you in the community for a long time to come.

[vidtek99]

We all make mistakes but it takes a big man to admit to his mistakes. Well done son. Best of luck in the future, stick with us.
Tony.

[Ernmander]

This is extremely brave. We here could all learn from your brave move to mention this.

I have always seen your posts here as sage advice.

We all have falling outs and we either repair those relationships or move on.

This is a great community and you are a great part of it. Take the time you need, we will still be here for you.

[paride]

This is very big from you Erich. Thank you for the love and dedication you put in your projects.

[leok]

Erich - just keep on contributing as you have always done.Your apology took courage and now just “keep on keeping on”…